Judgements

I know that people judge me and that is fine. It is normal happening in every ones life. While we may try not to do it we still do.

In the last couple years I realized how much judgement comes upon me because my husband is a doctor. Something about the status of being a 'Doctors Wife' makes me a snob that lives in a mansion with a maid and gardeners and a nanny (if we had kids). This is something that has haunted me.

I get where the stereotype comes from. I've seen it myself. But I don't fit in with this group... In fact I've been rejected by them.

So, I try not to tell people that my husband is a doctor. Not to insult him. (I think he is a VERY smart person, and he impresses me everyday with how hard he works and studies.) But so that people get to know me as a "Normal" person.

Some people even still after getting to know me, as a person not a status, still can't leave the 'her husband is a doctor' statement behind, and use it in every chance they get. It is embarrassing. Cant you say anything else??? For example instead of :

"This is Jenny. Her husband is a surgeon." - (yes this was an exact quote)

I would like to hear something like:

"This is Jenny. She is in nursing school and will be finishing soon." Or "Her favorite color is green" or even "She's a Mormon"

Last night I worked the late unit secretary position. I am orienting so I was with the other unit secretary.
I found out that most people on my unit know Jared is a doctor. So when the unit secretary introduced me to someone else as "This is Jenny. She will be a nurse in December but she won't be working long because her husband is a doctor" I knew there were a lot of people on the unit that had passed many of the same judgements on me.

I know that I am a shy person at first. It's just how I am, but I have found this has made me appear "snobby" to others. It;s just sad and frustrating.

So then when the unit secretary asked "what is it like being married to a doctor" I was delighted.
I replied that I don't see him in a professional light, all I see is the man I married. A normal funny, good lookin' man. Who once asked me if I ever needed sutures if I would let him do it. I said no. Sutures are for the hospital, for doctors to do. (He was just a little insulted-haha!)- but it was truly how I felt about him and his 'doctor status'. It doesn't exist to me.

I told the unit secretary that many people pass judgments about who I am before they know me, so I try not to tell people his profession.

Later that night when we were leaving for home, the unit secretary said to me, "You know how you said that people pass judegments on you because of your husband before they even know you? Well I am guilty of that, and I'm sorry. As I have spent time with you I found that you are a very nice person, nothing like I thought before I knew you."

It really made my day.

I'm glad that I can take back the stereotype upon myself one person at a time. But until I get to know someone they will think jealous, snobby thoughts about me and my 'super lax lifestyle' (that really involves school full time, and 3 part time jobs, and no we don't have a maid- not that I dont want one- who doesn't?)

Oh well, what do you do other than deal.