One Year

Henry (or was is Harry?) the cactus will be pleased because...

in one year we will be in...

Arizona!

We are excited, but at the same time very sad to leave Kentucky - because we know there will be nowhere like it.  At the same time I'm stressed. SO much to do and get ready to sell the house and move. This next year is going to be crazy. 

Real life, what az looks like

Just a bit different from kentucky...

(This is near a place we ride our bikes..for real! I'm gonna miss it- a lot.)

Our Old Kentucky Home

We find out today where we will be going for fellowship in the summer 2013.

I used to be very nervous. Scared we would not match anywhere.  Then that subsided. I know Jared will get in somewhere.
Now I feel sad, because it is the reality that we will be moving from Kentucky.

I really have come to love this state and I will miss it.   I've learned so much and grown so much in good ol' Louisville. (Including a pretty fancy accent!)

In the last 4 years here in the Bluegrass State...
-We survived our first year of marriage...

 and internship :/

-Bought our first house

-Got through a brain tumor situation with piles of medical bills

-Got our first puppy

-Got into Nursing School
-Survived many callings - Primary, Nursery, ward missionaries, ward historian, and Sunday school teacher
-Went on our first cruise

-Continued to survive Jared's crazy schedule

-Graduated nursing school, passed boards, and got a REAL grown up job.

I'm sad we will be leaving.

It will be hard to leave our old Kentucky home.

I Can Do This

As for my new calling. I am now the ward historian.
What is that you may ask?
(... So did I.)  I had no idea. From what I gather I get to collect all sorts of information going on in the ward.  Make a newsletter for the ward AND help gather info to put in the annual ward history report for the stake.
There seems to be a lot of leeway and room for creative things... but I don't want to be too adventurous and get in trouble, so I'm trying to keep things simple, but fun.


Also, I'm working as a nurse.   For real this time. I'm on my own. The safety net of having someone watch over what I'm doing is over. It is definitely scary and work is kicking my butt. But everyone keeps telling me it gets better.

Yes, after the first day I cried.
Yes, most the time I don't know what I'm doing.
Yes, I dream about work ALL the time. - many times waking up to remember something I didn't do.

Sometimes I feel the disappointment in myself is worse than anything else that happened that day. Disappointment that I didn't give my best, do what was best, or that I failed in some way.


I worry....

I worry that I will give to much of a narcotic (even when it is ordered). You just never know.  What may be not enough for one person can kill another. 

I worry that I have forgotten someone.

I worry that people will feel neglected.

I worry I have not charted something important. 

I worry the doctor will be mad at what I have/have not done. 

I worry the family or patient will not see that I am trying my very hardest to take care of them, but that I have so many other things to balance. 

I worry that I will become de-sensitized to people and their struggles.

I worry I won't be a representative of how Christ would care for someone.
I worry I will lose compassion.

I worry I will be sued.

I worry that I will do something wrong.  So many things to do wrong - 

Not calling the dr. Calling the dr. Talking too much. Giving the wrong drug. Not catching a pharmacy mistake. Someone falling. Not giving things on time. Not charting right. 

I don't think it is possible to not worry this much as a new nurse. 

So many thank-you's to the other nurses who help me. Who give me words of encouragement. Who say it will get better. Who give me that pat on the back. Who put up with my numerous questions.

I love what I do, and I hate it at the same time. But I keep doing it - because I love it. 

I got this note from a patient. A sweet lady who needed some extra love.

I don't know what happened to her. I pray she is happy.  As much as I impacted her life, she impacted mine much more.

I keep doing this because I love it. Not that its not frustrating, annoying, hard, stressful, and difficult...
But its also satisfying.  To know that I can help, serve, and love... impacting others and helping them. Maybe only physically, but hopefully in other ways. 

I've only worked a few days on my own, but they feel easier each day. Maybe its because I'm praying harder. Probably. 

But maybe, just maybe, I can do this.