One weird reason is... people know me here. WEIRD. Weird to have someone say... "Jenny Hun....????!"
And I'm like... who the, "hello!? Who are you??"
I haven't had that... since...I lived here.
And I'm like... who the, "hello!? Who are you??"
I haven't had that... since...I lived here.
Let me tangent...
I was living in Utah 6 yrs ago. I knew a handful of people and rarely every saw them, but that was OK. I was kinda obsessed with dating Jared. I did meet some other people including HANNAH (that was your shout out) and Haley - both I still keep in touch with.
Thenwe I moved out to Kentucky where I knew NO ONE. (except you Jared ). It was hard but slowly I was making friends.
Then Jared had his brain tumor ... and his heart thing.... and I was in a situation that no one else really understood -
Residency
- where one week he worked 119 hrs. - that's 1 hr short of 3 full time jobs - and residency DOESN'T pay that of 3 full time jobs - no where near.
Then
Then Jared had his brain tumor ... and his heart thing.... and I was in a situation that no one else really understood -
Residency
- where one week he worked 119 hrs. - that's 1 hr short of 3 full time jobs - and residency DOESN'T pay that of 3 full time jobs - no where near.
In hard situations I tend to cave into myself. I close up. I don't tell people things that are hard or hurting. I didn't tell anyone (other than family) about the brain tumor until a blog, I didn't tell anyone about the heart thing until a blog.
I don't ANNOUNCE things.
I tend to keep them in me and mill over them again and again. Analyzing, thinking, and finally resolving I don't need help - I don't need other people to let me cry. I can do things on my own.
I don't ANNOUNCE things.
I tend to keep them in me and mill over them again and again. Analyzing, thinking, and finally resolving I don't need help - I don't need other people to let me cry. I can do things on my own.
Stubborn? Yes.
BUT then I made friends. I got into nursing school. I made friends there. I got a job. I made friends there. I started to really 'Connect' to people - and therefore Kentucky.
I started running - for mental and physical reasons. I found I really liked biking with Jared. We found routes to run. We found BEAUTIFUL places to bike and run. I found I loved trees. I love grass. I love storms - even when they are scary with tornadoes... I love running. I love biking. I love having a job. I love horses. I love rivers. I love not having fences. I love the cloudy days. I love the sunset. I love the wind. I love fall. I love corn fields. I love wheat fields. I love white tail deer. I love spring. I even love winter. I love tulips. I love triathlons. I love foggy mornings. I love accents.
I found a love for God's creations. I found myself. I learned so much about myself in those 5 years in Kentucky.
And so this is why I feel it's so hard to move. I found myself in Kentucky. I learned so much about me.
And yet I have to move on. I'm trying to be positive, but it's hard.
It's hot.
It's brown,
and I can't find a job.
So I'm stuck at home.
Alone.
All day.
I'm back to not knowing anyone... except for the random person in the grocery store... or at church... or wherever... (they are everywhere- I kinda liked no one knowing me... I'm such a Loner). Yes, I have a few friends from way back but they are an hour or 2 away.
BUT then I made friends. I got into nursing school. I made friends there. I got a job. I made friends there. I started to really 'Connect' to people - and therefore Kentucky.
I started running - for mental and physical reasons. I found I really liked biking with Jared. We found routes to run. We found BEAUTIFUL places to bike and run. I found I loved trees. I love grass. I love storms - even when they are scary with tornadoes... I love running. I love biking. I love having a job. I love horses. I love rivers. I love not having fences. I love the cloudy days. I love the sunset. I love the wind. I love fall. I love corn fields. I love wheat fields. I love white tail deer. I love spring. I even love winter. I love tulips. I love triathlons. I love foggy mornings. I love accents.
I found a love for God's creations. I found myself. I learned so much about myself in those 5 years in Kentucky.
And so this is why I feel it's so hard to move. I found myself in Kentucky. I learned so much about me.
And yet I have to move on. I'm trying to be positive, but it's hard.
It's hot.
It's brown,
and I can't find a job.
So I'm stuck at home.
Alone.
All day.
I'm back to not knowing anyone... except for the random person in the grocery store... or at church... or wherever... (they are everywhere- I kinda liked no one knowing me... I'm such a Loner). Yes, I have a few friends from way back but they are an hour or 2 away.
So what do I like about Az?
I like the cacti. I like the sunsets. I like the sunrises. I like the sun. I like that just the littlest amount of rain causes complete panic. HAHA! - and it makes huge puddles of water for the dog to run in. I like the roads - they are straight and have middle lanes.
While I have applied to numerous jobs, none have turned out. What do I do? Do I get a job not related to my degree or do I keep applying? Do I go back to school? - scary thought.
So for now I keep busy. I decided to start training for a marathon. I am currently in week... 3 of I think 18.
And Jared and I signed up for a sprint triathlon 2 weeks ago. Are we ready?
NO.
But it has been fun cross training the past 2 weeks and we will do fine (except for the 4000 elevation difference).
The past 2 years we have done a triathlon in Louisville that was always about this time of year. It was small and fun. So we found one to do to help us feel more.... 'normal'.
Will I actually do a marathon? I don't know. It all depends on circumstances, but I plan to train for one as long as I can. I am planning on running another half marathon in October, and then there are a BUNCH of Marathons here from January to March. There are two I'm looking at one in February and the other in March. We will see... maybe I will even be able to fly out to Louisville for the Marathon in April???
I like the cacti. I like the sunsets. I like the sunrises. I like the sun. I like that just the littlest amount of rain causes complete panic. HAHA! - and it makes huge puddles of water for the dog to run in. I like the roads - they are straight and have middle lanes.
While I have applied to numerous jobs, none have turned out. What do I do? Do I get a job not related to my degree or do I keep applying? Do I go back to school? - scary thought.
So for now I keep busy. I decided to start training for a marathon. I am currently in week... 3 of I think 18.
And Jared and I signed up for a sprint triathlon 2 weeks ago. Are we ready?
NO.
But it has been fun cross training the past 2 weeks and we will do fine (except for the 4000 elevation difference).
The past 2 years we have done a triathlon in Louisville that was always about this time of year. It was small and fun. So we found one to do to help us feel more.... 'normal'.
Will I actually do a marathon? I don't know. It all depends on circumstances, but I plan to train for one as long as I can. I am planning on running another half marathon in October, and then there are a BUNCH of Marathons here from January to March. There are two I'm looking at one in February and the other in March. We will see... maybe I will even be able to fly out to Louisville for the Marathon in April???
~The future is unknown, so lets live for today.
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3 comments:
I completely, totally, fully understand how you're feeling. This is the exact way I felt when we left Louisville. I'm not going to lie... I still have a little ache in my heart when I think about it. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I didn't think much about leaving Louisville until it happened. I was so busy getting 5 million things done, and then bam... I was on a plane leaving. The second we took off, I started crying. I never do that! I couldn't help it. Like, crying uncontrollably. Having Drake 2 months after leaving Louisville was the hardest thing I've ever done. It made for the most difficult time in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love that kid. But dealing with missing Louisville so bad and being tied at home alone with a newborn in a new place made for a ROUGH few months. I'm sure hormones played a role too ;) I literally went through a mid-life crisis of sorts. I am actually still working on it today. I'm sharing too much. I could go on and on. Just know that I know totally how you feel. Totally.
Great post Jenny. We all experience something similar in life. Sometimes it is the not appreciating what we have until it is gone or often the wishing we were back where we were and missing out on the new things and people around us. I did that when we were transferred to Tucson - I missed my life in Peoria so much, that I put 40,000 miles on my car the first year and I'm sure appeared like the bad penny that would not go away. Then one day I woke up and realized I like it here in Tucson - but I missed an entire year of my life.
I really admire how you and Jared enjoy being together and doing fun things together. (Not to mention how fit you both are!!)
It will be fun to watch where you end up - where ever that is your neighbors, ward members, patients, etc - will be deeply blessed.
PS - I only went to KY in the winter and was blown away by the beauty, I can't even imagine what it was like in the spring/summer/fall!!
Enjoy the moment!!
Funny how moving somewhere can totally shake your confidence. Golly, was I excited to get out of az for a change but then people were different, and things were different, and then suddenly I wasn't sure of myself and only felt like I knew who I was back home. Uggghh frustrating. It gets better...it always gets better. Every once in a while you find a place where you instantly fit in which is...awesome, but it's not usually like that. Take heart & know it will get better! Wish we were there to hang out with you :) Bry says hi : )
P.S. My sister-in-law had a really hard time getting a nursing job in AZ as well...couldn't get one until she went back to school for a bachelors in nursing and could put that she was in the process on a resume. She said that's pretty common here.
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