We are 4 Months!

Andrew is 4 Months Old!  (can I can't hardly believe it)  Since when did time go so quickly???

• We love to smile!  (I like to call him Guy Smiley)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• We love to talk and are figuring out all the different noises we can make
  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Every morning we wake up with a smile on our face. Mornings are always his best time of day.
  
  
  
  
  
• We have started to do more chuckling/laughing, instead of just a high pitch 'squeak'.
  
• He loves cuddley soft things.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• We still prefer to be naked.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• We like to chew on everything and drool like mad.
  
  
  
• We still have a problem with pee-outs and blow-outs.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• We have found our hands and figured out they can grab stuff.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Along with finding our hands we found our thumb. He likes to suck on his thumb... what can you do?
  
  
  
  
  
  
• We had our first plane ride to Utah. He did okay. The way there he cried about half the time. Mostly because he likes to have us stand and walk all the time. So he was too bored.  The way back was a little better. He got fussy and cried a little bit, but it was because he was tired and promptly feel asleep.  He loved just being in the airport and looking at all the people, places, and things. His eyes were so wide the whole time. And the next day he slept a lot. We both ended up with a horrible cold. (I'm thinking it is the bad one going around), but he only had it 2-3 days.  My cold lingered for about a week + Ugh...
  
• In Utah he got to meet cousins Aunts and Uncles. At times it was too much fun, but he did fairly well.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  And did I mention the mower time with dad....
  
  
• He's still addicted to Baby Einstein

  
  
• He is very active. He still likes to stand, and now will roll across the floor, but really prefers tummy time. Every time I put him down he immediately rolls to his belly and 3-4 hours later he has done a complete 180+ while sleeping.
  
  
  
  
  
• Now when he gets really excited he kicks and kicks. (along with smiles) Or jumps if standing...
  
• He still loves baths and now tries to grab the water from the faucet, which makes for a wet bath for me and our surroundings. I can't wait to see what will be happening in a few months!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• I went to a consignment sale and was able to get lots of things for him, but I finally got a swing, and he loves it, some clothes - including a halloween outfit, and lots of toys and books. He LOVES looking at books and now tried to grab everything he sees.  We got a few toys some for Christmas, but some for now. He really likes having something bright and soft to grab that makes noise.
  
  
  
  
  
• He's experimenting different facial hair options...
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• He loves to look at flowers (and tries to grab them)
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Our schedule:
  He eats every 3 hours still. Unless at night and he will go 4 hours.
  He takes about 3 one hour naps a day
  And the rest is 'entertain me' time. He is quite demanding. Very much a hip baby.
  
• Andrew's Measurments:
  15 pounds 7 ounces (62%)
  25 inches (64%)
  17.5 head circumference (43%)
  
  (He's finally got some chunk to his thighs! Love it)
• Love my bright eyed and bushey tailed little guy!
  
  
  
  

Dealings

Being a new mom has come with a lot of surprises along with some totally expected things.

All of which are new.

Before I continue let me say I love being a mommy. Absolutely LOVE it. It brings fulfillment to my life. I love Andrew with more love than I knew was possible. What an amazing experience it is!  I LOVE IT!!!

Being a new mom, I knew I would have long nights. I knew there would be crying, dirty diapers, pee everywhere, poo-splosions, rough days and good days. I knew there would be love, smiles and adoring eyes.

What I did not know was the emotions and feelings that would plague me.
Why doesn't anyone talk about this?
I can't be the only one.

I'm not talking about post-partum depression. Nope. I didn't struggle with that.

I'm talking about mommy jealousy.

Andrew was born in May. I had 10 people, friends, who had a child within a month of me. Most were in my ward.

They had boys, girls, some healthy babies, some needed time in the hospital.  All are healthy growing babies now.

Andrew was born very healthy. He was a big boy. Almost 9 pounds. He was strong and was lifting his head hours after he was born. I had under 5 hours of labor with an epidural. Everything went perfectly in pregnancy and labor and delivery. Absolutely perfect. I am in love with Andrew's birth.

I regret not feeling absolutely beautiful while I was pregnant.  I look back now and understand and see what others saw.
But at the time I just saw a whale.  I could not make the connection that a wonderful, blessing was growing. My beautiful baby boy.
I will only have my first once - and I feel I blew it.
Next time will be different.

My pregnancy was just one of many around. I did not feel special. I was not treated special by others (except some family - you all know who you are). There was no meals. There was no Andrew baby shower with my Az friends. There was no help.
I expected too much.

Then 3 weeks old happened.
I suffered in silence.

Colic.

I didn't share with many people we were going through colic. It made me feel like a failure.
Now, I wish I had. I wish I shared then, how hard it was. But as one of my favorite songs says,
         "No one puts hard times on the walls".

So many emotions and feelings stem from going through colic.

I was jealous when I saw other newborns just hanging out. Sleeping. Being content and happy just because they were.

It was constant work. I've never-ever gone through something this hard.
Hard in so many different ways.

I didn't get to sleep. 
One night I got 2 hours of sleep total. And the phrase 'sleep when the baby sleeps'.... didn't apply because he would sleep 5-20 minutes at a time before he would wake up screaming.

The same applied at night.
I would sleep holding him, because if I put him down he would scream. Even still he would wake up and cry for hours at a time at night. Through those weeks I even noticed how the days were getting light later in the morning. 3-5 am didn't seem early anymore.

I once asked Jared what was more important; eating food or showering.  He said food since I was breastfeeding.  Many days I didn't get to shower, or eat, or sleep.

I felt like a bad mom.
Look at the good moms around. They can keep their babies happy. My baby was not happy. He constantly screamed. I was so so so so jealous. I felt like a horrible mom.

Horrible.

I brought this baby into the world and he hated it.
I constantly held him. I found what comforted him most through trial and error.

Soft blanket on the face, swaddle, white noise, being held tight, and jostling.  And still he would scream.

Not cry.
Scream.

The only time he was quite was while he ate and took short 5-20 min naps.
Jared asked how much he would cry in 24 hours. One day I figured 16 hours.
16 mind twisting Hours of inconsolable crying baby.

NEVER did I feel I wanted to hurt my baby.
 NEVER.
Which actually surprised me.

No. What I felt was pitty. My poor baby was hurting. My heart couldn't stand to put him down when he was crying.

I had to do everything, give everything I could to help him feel better. Even when it didn't help, I knew I was doing everything I could to help him.

My thought was that even if he was hurting and screaming, at least he would know he was not abandoned.  That he was still loved and supported.


SO jealous of others.
Those who embraced pregnancy.
Those who had happy babies.
Those who would talk of sleeping through the night.
Those who would brag about how happy their baby was.


I believe a mother with a new baby first baby or tenth baby... should be able to brag.

It was like a direct slap to the face when friend with a baby boy complained that he was only sleeping 6 hours at a time at night.  
....

I was so mad. Angry. Betrayed. Enraged. Frustrated. Ignored. And exhausted.


I had a problem.

I realized, as my anger grew, that the problem lies within me.

Jealously slowly filled me.

I started seeing people with babies or pregnant ladies and started to feel resentment, and anger.
It, in my mind, was 'not fair'.

Why didn't I have that happiness???

As jealousy started to consume me I started to not appreciate what I did have.
My sweet, strong, smart, little boy.

I started to pray for strength. For help to overcome this deep seeded jealousy.

One night while feeding my sweet pea, it came to me.
I needed to get myself over this.
I needed to not see what others had.
I needed to not see it so I could not compare it.
So I couldn't compare and I could just relish and brag about my own sweet baby.

And so I've restricted my Facebook time. And it has helped.
Slowly my jealousy is leaving.  It will take time. But mostly I will pray for understanding and charity. I need to be more Christ-like. I will try.

There is no way to explain the full torture of colic.

The strain it placed on our marriage.
The mental damage it did to me.
The crying I did along with my baby.
The endless prayers begging for help.
The loneliness and isolation.
The deep hurt each scream had.

And so I write all this down, to feel better, to get it out there, to more fully understand my jealousy, to help correct my problem.  Slowly it will get better. Maybe one day I can help support someone else.

For whatever reason I needed to go through this. I may never know. Maybe Andrew needed to go through this. Maybe Jared. Maybe all of us.

I said to Jared, God made our baby colicky so I wouldn't have another too quickly. And maybe it is part of the reason.  I will never know.

I do know that through Christ I will get through this.

Month 3 Mark

Every month he gets older I cant believe how fast it all has flown by.

Jared caught this picture while I entertained. So happy we got a smile on camera!

I thought this picture was really cute.... he found the bear. He seems to be a very intense little guy. He will concentrate on something and you can just see the wheels turning. My little smartie.

Andrew loves to talk (of course after he has eaten and been changed and had a good nap).

Please ignore me talking...

He also gives lots of smiles. Mostly to people he knows. He always seems to smile if you call him handsome or cute.What a ham!

But catching a smile to talking moment on camera is difficult. As soon as he sees the phone he freezes.

Occasionally he laughs. Can I just say I love it!

He loves, Loves LOVES the outdoors. I don't know if its the colors or what but if he is crying you can walk outside and 90% of the time he will stop. He loves to just look around.

Did I mention he LOVES to be naked.

Baths are still fun and he fell asleep in the swimming pool a few days ago.  He loves to hang out in the pool.

He officially figured out how to roll to his tummy and every time I get up with him in the night he is on his tummy. Good thing I transitioned from the swaddle the week before. (that was a rough week full of long tireless nights)

He seems to like stroller rides. I've recently taken up running again (which is a whole different topic. It's been rough).  He always goes with me. He loves it (most the time) and by the end is sleeping.

We are finding our hands and feet as of late. Its so cute to see him sitting with his feet moving while he stares at them intently.

We borrowed a swing and he loves it. He has to be held by someone or he will cry except when put in the swing. I has been so so nice.  Now I can get some things done without him on my hip or crying.

He still likes to stand and can support himself... if only he had some balance. I personally think it is kind of amazing! Stop growing so fast!!!

He loves to watch baby Einstein. (aka crack for kids)

We made it through sacrament meeting for the very first time a week ago. It was awesome!!!!

Yes... I took a picture in the mothers room later to commemorate...

His colic is getting so much better. Its so nice to just have crying that has a solution. Crying because we are tired, hungry, etc....

We really like to read books. Especially ones with bright colors.

We blowout our diaper everyday.

We don't have an appointment this month, but according to my measurements....

He is 13.4 pounds (with clothes and a full belly)

24 inches long

16 inch head circumference

All of these are between 25th to 50th percentile.

We go to bed around 9-10pm and sleep til about 2am. He eats and then wakes up around 5.  Now that it is getting light later in the morning we are sleeping until almost 7 (unless I wake him up so I can go running).  So do-able!

During the day we usually take our bath in the morning and take an hr long nap around 9am.  We eat every 3 hours. And he eats an amazing amount. It is CRAZY. When my SIL was watching him once for me he ate 6 oz of pumped milk. 6oz!!!!

I know that I produce a lot. But I've never really thought about it. Typically I produce 3-4oz on each side... and he eats both sides... and still wants more.... Sometimes I give him an extra ounce of formula to get him to stop crying for more.

He burns all those calories because he moves and wiggles, and squirms allllll the time! He is a wiggly little thing. I should have known based on how he was in the womb. He moved allll the time there too!

I love that I get to hang out with this guy all day long, everyday. Even though some days I go just a little cray cray... we find ways to have fun.  Did I mention he loves to get out and go shopping? :)  To daddy's dismay...

Thanks daddy for working and letting me stay home with him!

He loves his daddy!

Can I just say my life is so different now that Andrew has come!  I love him!

And I love my family of 3!

(We visited Daddy at work one day)

A Recap of July

Busy busy. Andrew keeps me on my toes.

He still is colicky, but is doing so much better than weeks 3-6.  Still there are rough days.  It is so hard as a mother to see your little one hurting and not be able to do anything but hold him and try to comfort him. Many a tear as been shed while he screams, sweats and squirms in pain for hours at a time. It is absolutely horrible. I would never wish it upon anyone... ever.

I just got back from a run... and a horrible night and now Andrew is sleeping peacefully (of course when I'm not trying to sleep) , so I will try to get July in here...

July was a very busy month.

Jared's parents came and visited us. I think they were bored to death, but there isn't much to do in Az when it is so stinkin' hot.
We did go out for ice cream and the boy smoked a brisket.

It was the 4th of July. We went to my parents and had some BBQ and then swam. It was Andrew's first time swimming... and he LOVED it. I guess it shouldn't surprise me when we love baths so much.

Then it was Andrew's blessing day. This was the main reason why Grandma and Grandpa Armstrong came to visit.

Jared did a great job in the blessing. Andrew was blessed with Charity,faith, intellegence and phsycial strenght to overcome trials, and the ability to recognize truth.

Did I mention I made a little Armstrong Clan kilt for him to wear?  I think it turned out great.

I'm so glad I have a worth faithful husband to bless my children.

Only a few days later. We were off to California. We were worried about the car ride, but he did great!  He only cried when he was hungry, otherwise he just hung out or slept. It couldn't have gone better.

My family rented a house on the beach in Oceanside CA. It was so nice!  We literally were on the beach!  We shopped, played in the water, had a root beer contest, took pictures of all the grand kids, etc. etc...

I had my first experience with a rude person telling me to get the crying baby out of here... I just glared at her and cried later. Curse colic!  Jared took me to ice cream later to cheer me up. 

And poor Jared slipped down the stairs while holding Andrew. Everyone turned out ok, but it was horrible!

Oh yeah, and I hurt my toe....

We felt like we needed a vacation from our vacation after it was over. Sheesh!

Then back home to pack up.

Things on the job front have been in crazy.  Looks like we will be in Boise after all.
BUT the job doesn't start until January.... In the mean time.... Jared got an extension on his job... our rental contract was up so we moved out of our rental and into my parents basement... none of it ideal but we are grateful for everything.